You're Cute When You're Mad: Simple Steps for Confronting Sexism
Written by Celeste Headlee
Narrated by Celeste Headlee
4/5
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About this audiobook
As she admits in the first salvo of her enlightening new guide to battling gender discrimination, award-winning author and radio journalist Celeste Headlee is herself … a sexist.
But aren’t we all? Indeed we are, no matter the strength of our convictions otherwise, and herein lies the crux of Headlee’s examination of inherent—and often unconscious—cultural biases: Whether we can admit it or not, we all bring instinctive and learned prejudices to our interactions and conversations, to the detriment of everyone.
Fortunately, Headlee presents a thoughtful, practical, and cogent manual on becoming aware of, and reversing, the sometimes subtle sexism with which we all struggle, actively or not. With the same empathetic and circumspect approach seen in her 2017 book We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter, Headlee lays out the fundamentals of creating allies, rather than alienating those who may simply be playing prescribed cultural roles. But deprogramming people without making them defensive (and dismissive) is easier said than done.
The culprit? “Benevolent sexism.” As Headlee writes, this pervasive daily frustration for at least half the population is “hard to address because people often fail to recognize so-called friendly sexism as harmful.” To combat this, the author walks us through an often surprising and always illuminating three-step process, drawing on human psychology and refreshing common sense. In the end, we’re rewarded with a compelling take on one of our most insidious problems—and, happily, a way to bring people together in these divided times.
Editor's Note
Stopping sexism…
Compliments based on a person’s gender can be just as damaging as overt insults. Journalist Headlee supplies practical advice for dealing with microaggressions and mansplaining in the workplace in this Scribd Original. “You’re Cute When You’re Mad” isn’t just for women: it’s for anyone who wants to create a more equitable and inclusive society.
Celeste Headlee
Celeste Headlee is an internationally recognized journalist and radio host, professional speaker and author of bestselling book We Need To Talk: How To Have Conversations That Matter, and Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving. Her latest is Speaking of Race: Why Everyone Needs to Talk About Racism and How to Do It. Her TEDx Talk, 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation, has been viewed over 26 million times. In her 20-year career in public radio, Celeste has been the Executive Producer of On Second Thought at Georgia Public Broadcasting and anchored programs including Tell Me More, Talk of the Nation, Here and Now, All Things Considered, and Weekend Edition. She also served as co-host of the national morning news show, The Takeaway, from PRI and WNYC, and anchored presidential coverage in 2012 for PBS World Channel. Celeste is a regular guest host on NPR and American Public Media. She is the host of Newsweek’s “Debate” podcast, and hosts a podcast for the National Gallery of Art called “Sound Thoughts on Art.” She is also the host of “Women Amplified,” a podcast from the Conferences for Women, the largest network of women’s conferences in the nation, drawing more than 50,000 people to its annual events. Celeste is also the president and CEO of Headway DEI, a non-profit that works to bring racial justice and equity to journalism and media through targeted training and interventions. She is the granddaughter of composer William Grant Still, known as the Dean of Black American Composers and she is a trained operatic soprano. She lives in the DC area with her rescue dog, Samus.
More audiobooks from Celeste Headlee
We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Speaking of Race: Why Everybody Needs to Talk About Racism—and How to Do It Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5
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Reviews for You're Cute When You're Mad
268 ratings19 reviews
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5You’re Cute When You’re Mad has changed how I approach, discuss and discourage sexism in my day to day life. I’d love to have a physical copy to share with others, it’s such an eye opening and informative resource!
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Clear summary of how unconscious bias affects.most of us and what the hazards of this unconscious slant to our behavior can be. C9instructive advice on how to address these issues within ourselves and in fellow members of society, to be8nag about awareness and self change. Well written and beautifully read
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Excellent analysis and advice. Concise, to the point and much needed.
4 people found this helpful
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Always good to get reminders about ourselves and others. How much of what you do or say is unconscious bias? Just because it’s “funny” to you doesn’t make it not offensive or insensitive to someone else.
Also great tips on how to choose what you want to confront and how to do so.1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5This book is a very good introduction to modern feminism. It is well-written, clearly-structured, and solidly supported. It also packs a lot of punch for such a relatively short book. I particularly like that it approaches the issues from a very practical, results-oriented perspective.
However, personally, I've tried what I now call the mollycoddle approach for too long, and found that more often than not it doesn't work.
Most men in my very modern country see themselves as emancipated. However, in reality most women are still not treated equally in work places, and basically everything to do with healthcare, childrearing and emotional labor. Men do contribute greatly, yes. But not equally, and especially not nearly as independently as they think or should.
I honestly believe that this is not due to maliciousness, but because of our culturally different upbringings. Girls were raised to believe we could of course join the workforce when we grew up (although in hindsight some terms and conditions applied). In contrast, most boys weren't raised to become more actively engaged in all those female-dominated areas like communication, emotional regulation, emotional labor, empathy, connection. Mostly due to both parties underestimating until recently how much work and thought goes into those areas of our lives.
However, what shocked me was discovering that no explaining, none of the many kind and openhearted ways of communication I tried, could convince the men in my life beyond a very abstract level of caring. To my great horror, after growing up thinking we had left sexism behind, these newly-discovered issues still mostly seem to bother women. Very few men clamour to fix the unfairness of not being able to join in on these aspects of daily life on their own terms, let alone becoming actively involved addressing all the disadvantages women still suffer daily in most countries (including our own).
I'm getting more and more fed up with the fact that it's still mostly women and other non-cismale people working on gender inequality. Why is there still not a strong men-lead movement collectively exploring how they like to approach communicating and bonding and dealing with emotions? With the women AND men in their lives, as well as their children.
Anyway, none of this is intended as a critique towards this book or its author. I'm definitely going to seek out more of her writings. This one was really quite excellent, and will definitely get recommended by me.
I mostly wanted to use this humble platform of a book review to maybe reach a couple of other feminists. I don't hate men. I want to include them, encourage them, empower them. I am so eager to have them work together to find their own methods and voices, to find each other, and to connect with the people in their lives. It's just so frustrating and baffling to me that so many of them don't seem very eager at all.
I want to work towards a kinder better world for everyone, and I still choose to believe that most people would want to do the same if only they knew how. Let us kind hopeful people try and find each other, and work together towards creative new approaches and solutions.1 person found this helpful
- Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5Butt hurt fat stupid bossy
commie bitch can eat my shorts3 people found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5A intelligent approach to discrimination of Abu kind. Fokus on gender
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Excellent review of ways to confront bias. While the author’s focus was on gender bias, the same principe apply in all areas of life. I especially appreciated her emphasis on facing our own biases and do the necessary work to identify and control them
8 people found this helpful
- Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5To know what "benign sexism" is and avoid it, you have to have no concept of what a man or a woman is, and no ideas about what gender is. Another attempt to fly into the sun of biological reality.
3 people found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Quite a good book with very practical advice, the commenter Bernadette said it better than I could.
- Rating: 2 out of 5 stars2/5Not really my type of book, was wishing to learn something new but absolutely disappointed.
Just my opinion, others might be able to find something sadly just not me.2 people found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Ignore the bigoted comments. These commenters are reacting to one sentence out of the entire book. These people are too hateful to understand what’s actually being discussed here. They are part of the problem, and we need to deploy the techniques from this book on them to defuse the damage they must be doing in their workplaces.
There’s sound, practical, actionable advice you can use immediately to be found in this book.7 people found this helpful
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5there wasn’t much rambling on as i’ve found with other books of this kind. it was short, to the point and well researched.
2 people found this helpful
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5Discussed on behaviors of internalized sexism and sexism as a whole. Was definitely engaging and well researched in my opinion.
4 people found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Short, easy to digest, practical, helpful, didn’t feel “Judgy” or “preachy.”
3 people found this helpful
- Rating: 4 out of 5 stars4/5A straightforward short and practical guide on combating subtle sexism.
2 people found this helpful
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Great audiobook, made me think on the steps I can take towards greater future.
- Rating: 5 out of 5 stars5/5Taught me some good techniques to see it and adreesss it
- Rating: 1 out of 5 stars1/5I'm only on chapter one and may not waste further time because it said that this book is about SEXISIM against FEMALES then to revise pronouns and whatever you'd like to make it apply to postmodern gibberish. If you can't commit to a topic, don't waste our time with a book. Evolution is not Wikipedia. The obstacles WOMEN face are REAL, not sought out to satisfy sexual desires, and you call yourself a FEMINIST? So damn disappointing.