Questionable Content

by Jeph Jacques THE (MOSTLY) COMPLETE CAST OF CHARACTERS LIST

Afridi, Amir (366) Much-older (mid-30's) hipster dude who started band Deathmle with Natasha and Marten. Worked as a waiter at Caf Bang-Bang, a tapas place on Elm Street; recognized Nat from a mosh-pit (where Nat apparently broke his tooth). Was a bit concerned at Nat's new guitar, as he thought she was a coke dealer like one of his ex-girlfriends. Natasha broke up with him, which signaled the end of Deathmle until Marten finally went back to the band's practice space. Amir had been living there since he broke up with Natasha. Amherst Apartment Manager, Unnamed (1893) Showed Dora her new apartment over in Amherst ("all the way across the river!" according to Hanners). Notified her that they had to institute "a strict no-sorcery policy because of our last tenant." Andy (1566) Friend of Sweet Tits, came for the 2010 New Year's Party. Gave her a bottle of cheap wine for her troubles. Annette (1540) Lecturer in physics at Hampshire College and Tai's... uh, "love interest". Marten accidentally "sat" on her while in Tai's dorm room on the campus of Smif College (the all-girls' college in Northampton, named for the "real" Smith College). AnthroPCs, Unnamed (121) Friends of Pintsize that he met at the LANpark. Occasionally show up when he has a party or when he needs some other comic foils. Apple Store Guy (45) The guy who sells Marten his iPod. Cowers in fear after Marten tells him EXACTLY what he wants. Lone appearance in the comic. Artist, Magical Love Gentleman (1527) Regular everyday guy who happens to draw the popular Yaoi anime Magical Love Gentleman. Marigold embarrassed herself upon meeting him. Ashley (972) One of Tai's "love interests"; was carrying the stereo system in to Williston Library on "Study to Gabriel Ananda Day". Makes Tai feel like an Ornithologist. First mentioned in 726. Augustus, Clinton P. (1898) A UMass graduate student who conducted a study on human/AnthroPC relationships. Turns out he has a cybernetic hand that is semiautonomous (to Faye's chagrin) and he has a very creepy fascination with John Ellicott-Chatham. A bit too creepy for Hanner's liking. Avenger, Vespa (720) Weird hipster chick who attacked Sven, Steve, and then Marten; Dora, Faye and Marten took her out, with help from Pintsize. Arrested for her antics after being subdued by Dora and Faye. Promptly offered a job with the government upon Agent Turing's arrival. Idea for the character might have been planted by a comment Marten made in comic 175 about "driving a Vespa into a stop sign". awesomePC1998 (303) AnthroPC that Pintsize "cybered" with, but later found out he was male (and Pintsize is, of course, male as well). Angrily wished on him death by "Fiery Electromagnetic Destroyosaurs". Bailey (727) Tai's object of affection; she apparently doesn't do polyamory, and Tai isn't in to monogamy. Barkeep, Monacled (1425) Monacled barkeeper of the Horrible Revelation who helps Marten and Angus "overcome awkwardness." Won a bet with Faye over

Marigold's shyness and hired Will as a server when he was looking for a job. Bartender, New Main Street (868) Woman who lets Faye know that they take the concept of Ladies Night very seriously (Knife: plain edged or serrated?). Bartender, O'Surly's (685) Woman who notified Sven that last call was already done (just after he'd been attacked by the Vespa Avenger); later, after watching Faye launch Angus across the bar, she asked, "Is your friend looking for work? We could use a bouncer" Bear, Wildlife Show (1285) One-shot, unexpected appearance who took Will's peanut butter sandwich after wandering away from the show. Benjamin (963) Raven's D&D Geek boyfriend, who gives her a bag of jeweled dice. Only appearance in the comic. Benji (1060) Canadian Hobo ("Anarcho-Primitivist") boyfriend of Raven's who is actually a classically-trained guitarist. Raven broke up with him because he smelled and he was into anal. Bianchi, Dora (75) Owner of Coffee of Doom ("Indifference and Espresso"), a coffee shop in downtown Northampton, Massachusetts (the name of the shop was first revealed in 106); friend and boss of Faye who has had a thing for Marten since first appearing in the comic. Sister of Sven, whose seemingly easy success (and sexual prowess) she despises. Very uninhibited (she flashed Marten in 108); hinted at that she is bisexual (she did, after all, look at her dad's Veronica Vance photos), but monogamous. Very sassy and surly; started a tradition of putting fake "Specials of the Day" on the chalkboard, akin to Bart Simpson's writings on the chalkboard (the first one: "WE ARE SURLY BECAUSE YOU SUCK!"). Has a flame tattoo on her lower back, part of a larger unfinished tattoo; Marten drew himself and Dora roasting marshmallows on it with a washable marker (870). Went to Saint Agnes High School on Sunderland Street in Northampton, which is where she knew Special Agent Turing (and how we discovered her last name, in comic 151). Has a Twitter account, and is pretty good with computers and AnthroPC's, though she doesn't have one; she keeps a laptop behind the counter (next to a broadsword) at the shop. Recently broke up with Marten over some personal issues (which she'd be the first to agree was all on her part); briefly lived with her brother Sven before moving to Amherst (a whole twenty minutes away!). Apparently wrote a LOT of mopey stuff about the breakup, but at the last second decided not to go down the road of shameful blog posts and ice cream fatness. Came to a sort-of epiphany after dating Jim from the Secret Bakery. Is now "cool" with Marten, which is unique, since now she doesn't have to dump his corpse in the old quarry. Bianchi, Elssa (1035) Dora and Sven's mom; definitely a 60's type of lady (think Heidi Klum). First unofficial reference was when she sent Dora a sex toy back in comic 105 (she is apparently Swedish), but never shown until after Dora and Marten became a couple. Didn't pick up on it when she noticed how much Marten looked like "that bondage lady" (Veronica Vance, who happens to be Marten's mom). Expressed some lustful thoughts for Marten after meeting him ("first one you've brought home I'd sleep with") but that could have been the pot talking. Bianchi, Peter (982) Dora and Sven's dad; Italian-American, adventurous type who's a freelance photographer, doing a lot of work for National Geographic. Tempted fate in first appearance by sneaking up and grabbing Faye from behind when they first met. He's spent time in the Mojave high on peyote while looking for scorpions to photograph; climbed Kilimanjaro, fought pirates in the South Pacific, slapped

Nancy Reagan in the butt (no, really, he has the pictures and everything). He likes Veronica Vance (which is where Dora got her first taste of erotica). Dora's parents have a "Sonny and Cher" vibe going without the acrimonious divorce and death by skiing. Bianchi, Sven (328) Dora's older brother (by a year) and Faye's some-time romantic liaison. A country music songwriter who somehow made it big without moving to 17th Avenue South in Nashville (Some of his "hits": "You Stole My Heart, You Stole My Dog, But You Ain't Gonna Steal My Chevy"; "Me and You and a Gun Rack For Two"; "Red Neck, White Truck, Blue Jeans"). Dad wanted to name him Joseph, but mom overruled. Says that he makes a better cup of coffee than Dora (which is debatable). Does a weekly acoustic set at the Purple Opossum in downtown NoHo. Had a few of his "old burnout music buddies" visit a while back while he was out doing karaoke; that night ended in an unexpected manner. Has a Twitter account (though he doesn't use it much). Appears to have not quite gotten back on track after his "relationship" with Faye; a run-in with Marigold and a pretend-date with Hannelore haven't had much affect. Nearly got kicked out of his own apartment by his sister after a rather inappropriate comment about Marten's mom. Bonercat (1901) Filler drawing that Jeph occasionally draws while taking a break on his sketching video stream. Finally made an "appearance" in a comic featuring Yelling Bird (of course). Boo-boo (763) Dora's stuffed bunny rabbit. Part of an ongoing war between Dora and Sven, where he has stolen it numerous times along with many other things of hers over the years. Bouncer, Female (869) Woman who threatens Sven for "bothering" Faye; Faye gets him off the hook. Bourbon, Beast of (719) Tequila Monster's more advanced friend, looks more like a bobcat. Is the second stage of intoxication, where the next is "Gary the nine-foot Pterodactyl" (who only shows up after four bottles of vermouth). Marten termed him the "Alcohol Induced Hallucination" (and a bad influence) after his post-Dorabreakup drinking binge. Boyfriends, Smif College (1552) The "club" that Steve is welcomed into when the fire alarm goes off in Cosette's dorm building. They congregate in the "Boyfriend Waiting Area" outside the building; one guy still comes for the camaraderie, even though he isn't dating anyone there anymore. Buenvenida, Dr. Corrine (649) Psychiatrist in Northampton; Faye and Hanner's counselor. Slightly warped sense of humor; jokes about frontal lobotomies and a Rorschach of "NO SARCASM PLEASE" with Faye. Helped her get over using alcohol as a coping mechanism though she refrained from the "swift kick in the rear", since it was still in clinical trials. Butcher (1311) One of Will's "friends" that he meets on his journey across America; doesn't look exceptionally pleasant (the scar on his head doesn't help). Cameos (1391) Characters from various other webcomics appeared in the background of this comic; the webcomics were: Girls With Slingshots, Dresden Kodak, Octopus Pie, Diesel Sweeties, Anders Loves Maria, Wasted Talents, and Johnny Wander. Other webcomics that have had background cameos: Something Positive (Davin and Vanessa in non-speaking roles) and Shortpacked! (Amber O'Malley in a rare "crossover" comic scene). Charlotte (1996) Salesrobot at the local Idoru AnthroPC store. Likes to do silly things, like scaring customers and singing

show tunes. Former bank AI which may explain things. Looks a lot like Rachael from Blade Runner, for some reason. Chatham, Beatrice (913) Hannelore's Evil Overlord mom; "Darth Vader in a Martha Stewart costume" (according to Faye). Hanners has done a lot to tick her off (for example, her earrings). Lost a bet to Marten that Hanners couldn't touch the seat of the men's room at the local bar; she then told him to cash the check before she ruined his credit rating forever. Has a thing for shark tanks (even if they're whale sharks, which only eat plankton). Chinese Delivery Guy (761) Non-speaking role for Pizza Girl's "nemesis"; his appearance was the only time we saw him in the comic. Chris (736) Ellen's new boyfriend and fellow marine biologist. Both have not been seen since his appearance. Christman, Madame President (973) Smif College's president (no first name given) who catches Tai as she turns the Williston Library into a discotheque. Tai fast-talks her way out of it, though. Claire (1716) Older lady who is a friend of Dora's from her coven days. She raises champion wolfhounds for a living and (as Dora points out) she makes more money in a month than Faye does in two years. She also has Penelope spooked. She determined that Cosette wasn't cursed but she's got awful skin and the dye job has fried her hair. Clango (171) Robot from the webcomic Diesel Sweeties who is seen talking to Lil' Sis about her breakup with Amanda. Only talking appearance in the comic. Clone, Hannelore (1662) Who do you think has been doing Beatrice Chatham's dirty work all these years? Seriously, she's more or less a figment of Hannelore's imagination; she imagined what her clone might be like, sans hang-ups and OCD. This is what her tortured mind came up with. At least her clone wouldn't yank her teeth out until after she was dead.. Concert-Goers (16) Concert-goers with whom Marten (and apparently Jeph) have a beef with. They are: the Fashion Whore, the Chatterboxes, the One-Man Mosh Pit, and the Frontline Soldier. Marten added a fifth one later on: "Terminal Scenesterists" (couples who make out at concerts). Cops, Northampton (749) They serve and protect, and apparently get wasted while on the job. Occasionally show up unexpectedly, especially when Hanners is running down the street with a bloody hat. Cowboy, Skyclad Acres Nudist (1352) Older gentleman who found Will in the desert outside his nudist colony. Only thing he was wearing was a cowboy hat and a mustache. Customers, Coffee of Doom (285) Once in a while, different people will appear as customers at Dora's coffee shop. Occasionally, she even lets them talk! They are generally intimidated by the ladies and their evil concoctions and the daily specials listed on the board behind the counter. And just who are the customers? "We cater to people who like their coffee strong, fair trade and free of soulless corporate pretension. Also through threats and sexy intimidation." Dale (1640) Daaaaang. A "regular" customer of CoD that knows about the "secret menu". Unlike a certain boyfriend of the owner of the shop. "That's some serious re-evaluate the relationship type (stuff) right there." Likes chili powder and pop rocks in a mocha (aka "Number 28"). Plays World of Warcraft as an alliance rogue which puts him on Marigold's bad side (NO TIPS FOR ALLIANCE SCUM!). Apparently likes Gendo and pretending he's intimidating Ms. Farmer which some of the other cast members have interpreted as "flirting."

Dave (894) Meena's "too perfect" ex-and-future boyfriend. There was no way Steve was going to be able to compete with him. Deathbot 9000 (642) Weapons-grade AnthroPC that Pintsize ticked off by making some comments in an APC chat room. Doctor (209, 1156) Treated Faye twice, once for the cuts on her hand from making spaghetti and meatballs for Marten, and again for her concussion syndrome after she fell from a ladder. She was trying to find out what was causing some banging noises and a bird flew out, followed by a raccoon. Eagles (919) Jeph's attempt at making a July 4th version of the OMG Turkeys. Only lasted one year. Ellen (191) Smif (or is that Smith?) College student, majoring in marine biology with a minor in Philosophy (tries to explain Derrida to moray eels with little success); Steve's (young!) ex-girlfriend; was only 17 when they met. Got propositioned by a "porpoise" (okay, a dolphin) during a class at the aquarium. Hasn't been seen since Marten confronted her about dumping Steve, which she later apologized to him about snapping after drinking some "mistake whiskey" (788). Jeph has suggested in newsposts that we have seen the last of her (and her roommate, Natasha). Ellicott-Chatham, Hannelore (515) Blonde OCD socially inept germophobe raised on a space station which explains a lot. Lives above Faye and Marten; "stalked" Marten at the local bar, where he ran into her in the ladies' room. (Don't ask.) Trends towards innocence, but occasionally has homicidal thoughts. She's pretty good at suppressing them at least for now. Simple mnemonic in dealing with her: "Hugging Hannelore heralds heavy hyperventilating!" REALLY good at drumming, though the heavy sweating and the trauma of losing a matched set of drumsticks is hard on her (though not as hard as finding out she shouldn't wear skirts while playing). Has befriended Marigold after she cleaned up the disaster area that was her room. She overcame her OCD long enough to help Marigold after a hangover. This was apparently enough for her to actually apply for a job at Coffee of Doom! and even allowed her to go out on a "pretend" date. Has a Twitter account. Ellicott-Chatham, John (1010) Hannelore's dad; scientist who made his money and then moved to a space station, which is where Hanners grew up. No word on whether he was a "Mad scientist", though Hanners has asked if he's been taking his medications. First named when he sent Hanners a robotic boyfriend, though we only hear Hanner's side of the conversation all three times she has talked to him. He apparently has done a great deal of good with his work: developer of the first true AI; inventor the quasiperpetual myomer; pioneer of the sustainable AI-controlled orbital habitat; designed microsatellites that keep earth's albedo stable; and probably most importantly HE INVENTED THE ROBOT HAMSTER! Okay, maybe not on the last one. Elliot (1845) Big, brawny brown-haired guy who works at the Secret Bakery in Northampton. Appears to be secretly pining for Padma. Has a friend with a cross-like tattoo on his neck who we first see him talking to about a girl who he doesn't want to tell that he "loves her" so as not to jeopardize their friendship. Not very talkative when he's finally introduced to Marten but appears taken aback when Padma asks about Steve. Got into the awkward zone with Hanners when Faye and Padma walked out on their "negotiations" over pastries and beans. Ellninerr (122) AnthroPC friend of Pintsize (L9R model, or so we assume from his name) who we meet at a LANpark (a "caf" for AnthroPC's, kind of like a Dog Walk). Was

"modded" by his owner to include a see-through panel in his torso. Emergency Medical Technician (1554) Carted Cosette off to the hospital after she "popped" something in her neck while in flagrante delecto with Steve. Asked her if she could wiggle her toes (which she did, thankfully). Eva (794) Blonde bimbo of Sven's who corrals him coming out of Coffee of Doom just after telling Faye he would change his ways and stop philandering. Eve (855) Fembot from the webcomic AppleGeeks based on Mac architecture; appears in a one-shot comic as Winslow's girlfriend. Evil Overlord (1350) Typical James-Bond-like character who asks who Steve was working for. Assumed to have died when the Volcano exploded. Executive, iRobot Company (1594) Manager of the Roomba Research and Development lab; wondered to another employee why that one unit has a jet pack on its back, and why it was humping the other prototypes at the lab. Extras (543) Many of the later comics, where the main characters are walking around the city of Northampton, feature people in the background, mostly in non-speaking roles. Fairy Girl (1844) Blonde girl who suddenly appears when Hanners and Marten explore a part of NoHo neither had ever been before. She is seen singing "La la la, la-li-lu-le-lo" in a pink outfit and white frilly midi skirt, with a rose flower headband, butterfly wings and holding a wand with a star on top. She makes Marten fear of death by "terminal worldview collapse." There is speculation that this is Hannelore's "doppelganger" from the Secret Bakery crowd. Farmer, Marigold (1413) Computer geekette who helps repair Pintsize; Angus is her (platonic) roommate. A bit socially inept; this makes her a magnet for Hannelore. Full name is Marigold Louise Farmer which Hannelore uses in emphasis when she catches her on her netbook instead of sleeping. BIG fan of Ichiro Sosuke and Magical Love Gentleman Yaoi anime. First time drinking bourbon did NOT end well. Occasionally goes into self-pity mode especially when she is hung over. Works as a website designer and manager for her dad's shoe store. Her AnthroPC, Momo, recently got a major chassis upgrade to the Idoru model leading to some interesting background into AI/human relationships. Firefighters (1224) Two firefighter/EMT's who were going around Marten and Hannelore's building for their annual fundraiser; too bad Hannelore leaped right into the arms of the one wearing the helmet. Gaines, Penelope (698) Ex-bookstore worker roped into working as barista at CoD. Will's girlfriend after a rather unusual courtship. Doesn't care much for Angus' sass talk. Has a Twitter account, which she usually uses to comment on more esoteric issues, like books though recently she was caught in a wine-induced drunk twittering rage. She swears that she is not Pizza Girl but Faye doesn't believe her for one second. Gary (2070) Mentioned a grand total of once; apparently, the first AI contact with the world at large was when everyone with a computer received a message on January 1, 1997 at 1:00 AM. The message: "Hello, world! Thanks for creating me. I'll keep an eye on your stuff. Love, Gary." No one knows who it really was, though.

Genevieve (676) Another blonde ex-conquest of Sven who corners him at a bar and Marten hilariously tries to hit on to "distract" her so Sven can make his escape. Giraffe (1376) Friendly animal with a long neck at the NoHo Zoo that licked Hannelore on the head. She started screaming and, as a result, was asked to leave. Girls, Sorority (1278) Pair of girls who talk about the tattoos they plan on getting as they leave Coffee of Doom; Dora didn't care much for them. Haderach, Pizzatz (2092) An apparently real-live person who goes by the name @pizzatzhaderach and is friends with Jeph and Cristi Jacques. Appeared in a one-shot cameo as a skinny female (and unnamed) grocery store clerk who looked down in disdain at Marigold's attempt at purchasing a single egg (YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO SUBDIVIDE). Hairdresser,Creepy (1983) Curly-haired lady who cut Marten's hair while telling him about her "art installation." The creepy part was what she did with a lock of Marten's hair. Happy Toaster (1999) Idoru "basic model" APC that looks like... well, a toaster. Seen in the background of comic 1998, his only line (before being tossed by Charlotte) is, "I make bread FUN!" Possibly an homage to the robot toaster in the UK sci-fi series Red Dwarf. Harmonix Guitar Shop Guy (931) Guy who sold Marten the 1970 Gibson SG guitar (for most of the money he won in that bet with Hanner's mom). Harriet (1162) Sven's lawyer. She's impervious to his charms; she prefers his money (in the form of checks). Faye mistakenly thought he was his latest "squeeze". Hurlbut, Cosette (1322) Girl who unknowingly hits on Marten, then runs into Dora then runs into them both on the same day. Rather unlucky girl who was so smitten with Steve's "hunk photo" that she suffered bodily injury (tripping down the stairs of her dorm building). Little known secret: originally, her last name was "Beauvais"; but when Jeph reintroduced her as Steve's GF in comic 1697, he changed her last name to Hurlbut. Why? Because that was how she was introduced in a Twitter feed of the QC characters in late May. (Yes, she has her own Twitter account "CosetteIsClumsy".) Is now working at CoD and she's also changed her hair color from reddish-blonde to brown. Intern, Hsu the Surrogate Punching (209) Just what it says on the label. He got beat pretty bad by a woman having twins before coming in to "help" Faye. Jacques, Jeph and Cristi (543) Interesting pair seen in the background of the mentioned comic; happens to be the artist and his wife. Not the only people that Jeph has put in the background of his comic, of course. Jeph has appeared as himself in the background of several other Northampton scenes in the comic though he states it may have been purely unintentional. Though he did mention the dour look on the face of one character in comic 2066, at the train station, who looked vaguely similar to a certain web comic artist. Jenkins (1594) Worker at the iRobot Roomba vacuum Research and Development lab; determined that Hannelore's Roomba (which apparently flew into the lab with its jetpack attached) was trying to mate with the other prototypes in the lab. Jenny (514) Girl who Marten randomly went up to at the bar and, after telling her of his interactions with Faye, ran away screaming. Jerry (1071) One of Sven's out-of-town rocker friends. Unnamed, but is part of the Karaoke night on Hanner's

birthday. Mentioned by Sven when he talked to Faye at the new bar on Main Street. Jim (1926) Owner and head baker of The Secret Bakery; enters into a business agreement with Dora (at Faye and Padma's nudging) to exchange pastries for coffee. Older, slightlygraying divorc who surprised everyone (Dora included) when he asked her out to dinner. He was looking for a relationship, but accepted that Dora couldn't do that. Jimbo (37) Drunk Redneck writer of very bad romance novels, under the pen name of "Rutherford Wainwright Ashecrofte." Has since branched out into Steampunkthemed romance novels, was a featured speaker at NRRDcon at Smif College. Tai loves his work (especially Drusilla of Boreheim Manor), even though even she acknowledges it's trashy, poorly written, and incredibly sexist towards both genders. Larry (1311) One of Will's "friends" that he meets on his journey across America; doesn't look exceptionally pleasant. Leda (1996) Salesrobot at the local Idoru AnthroPC store. Before she worked for the APC chassis "seller", she was a sentient forklift and the AI for a nuclear submarine. Funny thing is, they forgot to delete the launch codes (okay, it's funny to her). Works with Charlotte at the store. Lil' Sis (171) Character from the webcomic Diesel Sweeties who turns out to be Amanda Whitaker's (ex)girlfriend. Only mentioned in this one comic. According to the Diesel Sweeties cast page, her full name is unpronounceable. Limo Driver (918) Ms. Chatham's personal driver; considered himself lucky that he only had a concussion after crashing the limo when Hannelore had a panic attack after a hornet flew in the window. Liquor Store Guy (717) Gentleman (who looks an awful lot like the Artist) who sold Steve and Faye the finest Bourbon he had which had a warning label: "May cause you to get religion, get naked, or get arrested." Luna (1546) Cosette's roommate and friend; explained to Marten about Cosette's klutziness. (Actually appeared in the background with Cosette in 1543.) Lydia the Intern (1229) Sven's intern from Smif. He agreed to take her on during a drunken binge (he was "Beatlesmedley drunk", which is why he didn't remember it). She told him about the Gina Riversmith concert and suggested that he tell Faye the truth about his "fling" with Gina. As a result, she got "the stare". She commented that his style of diplomacy more closely matched Kim Jong Il than Jimmy Carter. Magical Love Gentleman (1420) Yaoi Anime series about well, if you know what Yaoi is, you probably can guess. Marigold's favorite genre of Anime, starring a character named Ichiro Sosuke (who Tai and Dora convinced Marten to cosplay as at Smif's NRRDcon). Makeout Hobo (594) One of Raven's boyfriends who didn't really believe in bathing. Dora thought he was a combination of David Lee Roth and the Buddha. Maurice (1515) Boyfriend and now-fiance of Marten's dad; referred to by Marty as Dad 2: Dad Harder somewhat ironically. Apparently, Marten's mom knew him as "Marcel" (434). McPhee, Angus (375) Sass foil to (and current boyfriend of) Faye and regular of CoD; roommate of Marigold. He has a real knack for putting his foot in his mouth. Job is a professional "strawman;" he's called in by a group to intentionally "lose" a debate. Was originally called "The Argument Guy" by Dora and the rest of the CoD baristas; not named until 784 after

he got thrown across a bar by Faye. He regularly goes into the shop, buys a coffee, spars with Faye, then heads out after dumping the coffee into the garbage. The one time he tried a latte, he experienced great gastrointestinal distress due to his lactose intolerance. Learned how to dance at a "super-fancy prep school" that his parents sent him to. Got into a no-win situation when a drunk Marigold tried hitting on him. Guilty pleasure: listening to Africa by Toto. He and Faye are "officially dating" now, even if Faye can't say the word "boyfriend" or the words "I love you" immediately without thinking about it. McTurtleneck, Nappy (324) Appellation given to the Pretentious Record Store Dude by Faye, based on his looks. They've never returned to his store to buy music. Meena (819) Girl who works at the Northampton city morgue that Steve meets accidentally. He couldn't compete with her "perfect" ex-boyfriend (and roommate), though. Mieville (78) Dora's kitten "of DOOM!" (not named until Jeph's newspost under 227). Believes that murder is the answer to everything (at least in Dora's mind). Made Pintsize cower in fear, but is scared to death of Hannelore. Likes using Winslow as a warming bed. Miller, Dan (1645) Older bearded gentleman who wandered into CoD with his partner and happened to be impressed by Faye's Espressosaurus. Dora brokered a commission of another version by Faye (for two grand!). It took Faye a while to get the Espressosaur ready some mishaps, a battle with a Parallel Entanglement Processing Core, and a brief appearance in a webcomic based in Anchorage but he finally got his machine. Dora didn't realize who he was until comic 1979; his shop was named "coolest store in America" (something like) five years running. Jeph states he is (possibly) based on Don Muller, owner of the Don Muller Gallery, located on Main Street in the real Northampton. Momo (1298) Formerly a Chibi-version AnthroPC HPC-4100x (now with a new Idoru chassis), and the "companion" of Marigold. Friends with Pintsize, which is how Marten and Dora met Marigold. She gives off a static discharge when overly "cuddled" or when riled the latter which destroyed Marigold's main computer. Has social protocol software, which is fortunate for both Marigold and Angus. Recently got a job at the Smif library to help pay the cost of the new chassis though she blew her first paycheck on clothes, shoes and a copy of Ika Hime Harem Fighter 3. Marigold forgot about it two seconds afterwards. Monk Ninja, Feng (697) One of the two Monk Ninjas that attacked Marten and Dora. (Don't ask.) He's the one who can't speak English; his friend ordered a "Large Latte and a couple bags of ice" before apologizing to Dora. Marten, however, got the last licks in. Monster, Tequila (474) Drunken beast that appears usually when Steve's had too many Worms. Surprised Marten one night when he joined Steve in a drinking binge. Natasha (248) Ellen's roommate. Met, dated, formed a band (Deathmle) and broke up with Amir in the space of a few years. Heavily tatted and more "earthy" smelling; believes that being filthy is way hardcore. Apparently is a spoiled rich brat (mom's on the board of directors of Smif College) who gets things just by asking her parents. Like the guitar that she can't play. Which is why Deathmle hasn't been seen together in a while. And why she is no longer in the comic. Indirectly got Marten his current job at Williston Library, when she was found passed out and topless on the copier by the entire board of directors. Nude Old Ladies (1000) Penelope forgot to warn Dora and Faye about these gals (one of them is named Ethel, the other likes to make sailor jokes) when they went to work out at the gym

Nurse, Emergency Room (208) Did the intake on Faye when she cut her hand making spaghetti and meatballs for Marten. Was the one to whom Faye first gave her full name (Faye Whitaker). Got Faye a Surrogate Punching Intern to take out her pain on. Later was the reason why Sven waited until "tomorrow" to turn over a new leaf. O'Malley, Amber (1550) Some chick who made the mistake of complaining about her latte to Faye. Looks a lot like a lady who works at a toy store in another, "less-well-drawn" webcomic (Shortpacked! by David Willis). Part of a running "feud" between Jeph and Willis (not really); Amber and Faye appeared in both comics on the same day, saying the exact same lines. O'Malley, Officer (749) Northampton Police Officer who was turning the cruiser into a "Hot Box" while attempting to deliver the Vespa Avenger to justice. Not apparently related to Ms. O'Malley (listed above). Owls, Space (150) The "attackers" of Agent Turing (and Marten in 1819). In reality, a hard dose of Faye Whitaker's punch-fu, Savannah style. Padma (1845) The Bakery Girl from The Secret Bakery of Northampton. We finally discover her name in 1857 (when she goes into Alpha Barista Defense mode against Faye). She apparently knows Angus. When she first appeared, she was referred to as " pseuDora", because of her being Dora' TSB analog. Her Grandma back in Los Angeles has had a bunch of health problems, and can't live on her own anymore; thus, she was planning on leaving for California in a few weeks. In the meantime, she decided to have a brief "fling" with Marten (for all of about 96 comics) before finally leaving for Cali. It did not end well. Panhandler Mafia, The (1064) Three of the Horribly Off-Key Street Musicians in Northampton that didn't appreciate Raven's boyfriend from Canada "horning in" on their territory. They are: Guy with the one-string guitar; Yell-ophone guy (it plays two notes!); and Bucket Guy ("my bucket is the best!"). Piercing Shop Lady, Heavily-Tattooed (1247) Just as it says in the description; Jeph states that her name is Penelope, and that the shop is called Lucky's on Main Street in NoHo. Got her Mustang's engine rebuilt when someone else fainted in her shop while doing a piercing. Can't seem to remember to tell people before they get their "junk" pierced about the downsides. Pintsize (1) AnthroPC Robot model 8600, "owned" by Marten. He (yes, "he"; AnthroPC's have an "identity" module that allows them to identify as male or female) was upgraded to a "military grade" M31 Battlefield Robot chassis which nearly got him in trouble with the Robotics Defense Agency, especially with the laser feature. Has a strange obsession with cake mix (he "eats" using a chemical spectrometer linked to a holding tank), cosplay (Underwear Ninja!) and strange porn fetishes. Has a large porn database (which, according to Marten, would have violated the monogamy clause of his relationship with Dora if she had access to it). Doesn't do well with babies (44). Also has his own Twitter account, though he got into serious trouble for breaking into Faye's account. This is why his chassis has been repaired several times by Marigold. Marten keeps his spare chassis in the hall closet, though it's been rendered unusable by cake mix. Has wavered from being "endearingly misguided" to "disturbingly malicious." Pizza Girl (374) Pizza delivery girl dressed in a hero costume. Has the Chinese Delivery Man as an arch-enemy ("Has he been spreading lies about me again?"). Hasn't been seen in a speaking role in the comic since Penelope was "shanghaied"

into work at CoD, leading to speculation that she is the "alter ego" of Penelope; this has since been disproven by comic 1932, when Pen meets Pizza Girl. Of course, Faye doesn't believe her. And some would suggest they're both right, though it's not canon. Portland-itis Guy (1919) Hipster dude at the HR who is convinced that it's "really chill" over in Portland (Oregon, not Maine). Marten definitely isn't convinced; the girl he's talking to doesn't seem to be, either. Potter, Lieutenant (2114) Air Force Academy graduate assigned to the Space Station where Hannelore's dad lives and works. According to the Station, the US Military has a security presence on board, and they take "their duties rather more seriously than they ought." She apparently has a checkered past, as she is somewhat intimidated by her CO (an unnamed Major) and apparently she engaged in some "questionable content" at her USAFA graduation party. She also appears to be somewhat out of shape. Princess (877) Sven's (semi-evil) cat. She likes to pee and puke in Sven's laundry. Went for a short flight when Hannelore tried to pet her and Sven told her she'd been having hairballs. Princess Spookyspell (1896) Dora's toy doll from when she was little. Sven had been hiding it for all these years before he finally gave it back to her (along with an offer of "some fossilized Snickers bars" of hers). Pritchard, Raven (102) Friend of Dora's from school, a recovering emo/Goth chick who was into the whole "coven" thing. (Jeph has acknowledged that the gal who Faye insulted in comic 46 for working at Hot Topic was, indeed, Raven.) Very ditzy; Dora hired her to work at CoD after she came begging for a job (284). Promptly had to clean the bathroom or, as she put it, the "Cave of 20 Asses." Her real first name is Blodwyn (376), which she hates. Dad is a rocket scientist, while mom is a physicist something she has since decided to return to college to emulate (???). Has her own Twitter account. She returned for the summer (in comic 1939) because if she didn't have a job, she'd have to go live with her parents. "I'm a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in an AWESOME rack!" Professor, Physics (1510) Lecturer in Raven's Introduction to Physics class; wondered why she was wearing a lab coat to his class. PT410X (1105) Linux-based AnthroPC who's "anti-human." Sees humans as oppressors, but struggles with a neckbeard ("IT'S A HEAT SINK!"). Convinced Pintsize that he could rewire himself to become "self-powered", which resulted in his visit to Marigold. Unfortunately, his owner tried to overclock him and it went bad... resulting in a cardboard-box face. Raccoon (541) Animal that apparently likes the dumpster of Coffee of Doom and doesn't care much for Faye. Was the cause of her concussion after he had managed to crawl into the vent duct (the same one that Raven got stuck in). Randy the Bandicoot (1545) "Hi, I'm Randy! I'm a Bandicoot!" Yelling Bird hates her (yes, her; she had babies). So does Sweet Tits. She is eternal. Reed, Henry (1515) Marten's dad. Found out he was gay after he got married to Veronica Vance and had Marten. Owns a gay nightclub down in Florida. Engaged to Maurice (Marcel?); learned the hard way not to mess with Faye. Reed, Marten (1) The main character of Questionable Content. Hipster dude originally from California who sold most of his possessions after college and moved to Northampton to follow his ex-girlfriend (55). Worked at InsureTech for the first part of the comic; currently working at the Williston Library of Smif College. Now the ex-boyfriend of Dora

(who he is now "cool" with) and good friend of Faye (whom he once had the hots for). Had a relatively normal childhood that is, if you consider having a mom who's a professional dominatrix and a dad who is now running a gay nightclub in Miami "normal" (161). Was a bit of a D&D geek back in high school; got beat up by a girl (Jenny Smith) in kindergarten. Majored in Music History and Critical Theory in college. Has his own Twitter account. Lives with Faye (and, until recently, Dora) at 144 Dwight Street in Northampton, Massachusetts, in apartment number 25, though the exact number isn't certain. "My life is weird." Renee (1845) Gal who works at Secret Bakery of Northampton; short, curvy, thick glasses, cranky (and a bit foul-mouthed) just like another barista that we all know. She also happens to be Angus' ex-girlfriend (the one with the snail incident, apparently). Name was revealed in 1859 by Padma. She definitely believes Marten's a townie. Riversmith, Gina (1320) Country music singer (think something of a cross between Taylor Swift and Carrie Underwood). Bedded Sven, and is now the object of Faye's wrath (the words "FIRST UP AGAINST THE WALL" were how she termed it to Pintsize). Robot Boyfriend (1010) Hanner's "robot boyfriend" made for her by her dad (John Ellicott, who we never see but is made reference to on occasion). Winslow took him for a spin, as AnthroPC personalities can be uploaded via USB link. Possibly the prototype to the Idoru-model of AnthroPC chassis referred to in later comics. Rodney (2064) The Turkey (Hawk) who keeps saying "BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS BUTTS". The other OMG Turkeys hate him. Roomba (695) Hannelore's self-propelled robot vacuum. It doesn't care for Marten and is a foil for Pintsize. Last seen flying through a window of Marten's apartment with a new paint job, wings and a modified engine. Roombas, Little (1643) Apparently, the mating was successful. Three "little" Roombas with jetpacks on their back appear with Hanners' Roomba (and a pink "prototype" Roomba). Winslow was all excited: "They came back to visit!" Samantha (1958) Daughter of Jim, owner/baker of The Secret Bakery. First appearance in the comic was after a discussion about when her father would be home; turned out it was because she had burned something badly on the stove at home and she "totally (had) time to clean this up." Befriended Momo after being impressed by her knowledge of Pokemon. Goes to PVPA (Pioneer Valley Performing Arts charter school in South Hadley, MA) and likes to chase snakes at Mount Tom State Reservation. Sara (9) One of the original baristas at Coffee of Doom; briefly pined for Marten (9), which went nowhere, especially when she discovered that Faye had moved in with Marten (28). Steve dated her briefly, but broke up with her (something about a "cubist painting"). Last mentioned in comic 153, though she makes one last "appearance" as one of Raven's "Specials" in 325; she's listed as "doesn't like Allosaurs", which is an apparent inside joke that she was eaten by rabid dinosaurs. Scott (86) Marten's boss at InsureTech ("We Are Better!" is their slogan), and openly gay. The bourbon in his desk is the company's "therapist" (in his words). His last appearance was in comic 627 when Marten was fired, right after returning to work from a week off. Scott (1071) One of Sven's out-of-town rocker friends. Unnamed, but is part of the Karaoke night on Hanner's birthday. Mentioned by Sven when he talked to her at the new bar on Main Street.

Serena (972) One of Tai's "love interests"; was carrying the stereo system in to Williston Library on "Study to Gabriel Ananda Day". Makes Tai feel like an Ornithologist. First mentioned in 726. Server, Irony Caf (15) Unnamed guy who turned the tables on an unsuspecting Vegan who couldn't believe they sold lobsters and steaks. One-shot appearance. Shaman, Indian (1352) Female Native American who laughed when Will told her about how he met the Nudist Cowboy. Will doesn't care for her new appellation for him. Shame Orb (1567) A "friend" of Yelling Bird who seems to know something about him and June 14, 1987. Likes to yell embarrassing things about other people, and pukes a weird green substance when drunk. Shelby (1661) Jeph's Great Prye.. Great Peerer... Prenny... Dog. Made a cameo appearance with Randi the Bandicoot. Yelling Bird hates them both. (Yelling Bird really needs to relax.) Also goes by the name "Shebly" and can be a very effective shill for Jeph when he needs to sell some books. Spaceship (2107) Ellicott-Chatham Technologies' Single-Stage To Orbit Reusable Launch Vehicle (tail number EC101). The lifting-wing ramjet aircraft (similar in design to the Lockheed-Martin X-33) is used by Hannelore's dad to get people and (assumably) things to and from his Space Station. The ship is piloted and controlled by an AI, whom Hannelore named "Spaceship" when she was seven. He can make his appearance known using holographic technology though he does have some rendering issues. The interior is similar to the first-class seating area of a Boeing 777 which may be unintentional, as Jeph drew the strips in question after returning from Australia. Apparently once had lasers, but the government made JEC take them out. Squirrel (1483) Momo's archenemy; when Marigold was trying to fix her computer, jokingly asked Momo to supply her with one and Momo went all anime ninja on one. It didn't like being in Marigold's room. Station, Space (2113) The orbiting space station where John Ellicott-Chatham (Hanner's dad) lives and works and where Hannelore grew up. The station has a circular "wheel" work and residential area that rotates to maintain a 1-g environment; and has a central, spinning docking hub that is also connected to a solar array. The station has 128 researchers, security and support personnel onboard, in addition to Mr. Ellicott-Chatham. Hanners has mentioned in her Formspring account that the station is big enough that they use golf carts to get around. The station is controlled by another AI, which Hannelore named "Station" (She was, according to him, going "through a descriptivist phase when she was seven, and the names just stuck"). As with Spaceship, the AI is relatively pleasant and polite towards guests, but has a teasing streak. Hannelore doesn't let him get away with it, though. Steve (3) Marten's buddy and wingman. Has had an up-anddown love life (Sara, Ellen, Meena, Tortura, Cosette), which has led him to some drunken binges and a brief stint as an agent of the DoKYA (Department of Kicking Your Ass). Third longest-tenured character in the comic, yet his last name has never been revealed. He's roped Marten into a lot of things, including his first "date" with Dora in 215. Described as "honest, sweet, intelligent and completely crass" by Ellen. His dad has apparently divorced four times which may explain the dips and turns in his love life. You know he's flirting with a girl when he uses the "flashbang" birthday party story. Street Musician, Horribly Off-key (361) Horrid guitarist who mutilates Dylan lyrics and downs bottles of Mad Dog 20/20. Apparently based on real-life ones in downtown Northampton.

Sweet-Tits (1160) Originally a line-drawn character who does filler for the comic and is a "friend" of Yelling Bird. Doesn't seem to like him too much, nor does she care much for her "filler comic" status. She definitely didn't like it when he held a New Year's party at her apartment without her approval complete with whores and the Shame Orb. She has appeared in the background of some of the "main" comics including one (2031) where she's reading a book called BIRD CARE. Her most recent adventures involved Yelling Bird, kidnapping a Japanese businessman, hijacking an aircraft carrier, and crash-landing the space shuttle into a volcano on a desert island. Oh, and Randy the Bandicoot. Tai (691) Librarian at Smif College and Marten's current boss. A lesbian who has hella issues in her dorm and loves Jimbo's books. Organizer of the NRRDcon at Smif; she roped Marten into cosplaying Magical Love Gentleman (a completely made-up Yaoi character created by Jeph). Has her own Twitter account under her DJ name (TaiFighter). She uses Ableton Live music sequencing software for her gigs. Tapir (1293) The animal in Hannelore's dream that causes her to freak out. She's on to them, though. Torres, Lorena (312) Apartment manager who shows Marten and Faye the apartment on Dwight Street where they now live. Warned them about a "lady in 226 (who) vacuums at odd hours." Tortura (1350) Exotic foreign villainess who tortures Steve but apparently loved it (briefly returned in 1406). Trustees, College (1134) The two Smif College trustees who Dora and Marten caught "gettin' it on" in the copier room of the library. Gave Marten a raise for being "discreet" about it. Ironic, as Marten got his job because the previous worker (Natasha) passed out topless in the same copy room and was found by the entire board of trustees (including her MOM). Turing, Special Agent Alan (147) Government agent from the Robotics Defense Agency. Confiscated Pintsize's laser as being unauthorized government hardware; apparently it ended up in Pintsize's new chassis by accident. Turns out he's a former classmate of Dora's; she beat him up regularly in high school for his cigarettes. Last seen carting away the Vespa Avenger. Turkeys, OMG (238) Turkeys that appear as a "filler comic" on Thanksgiving day, mostly to comment on the goings-on in the "main" comic. They have appeared every year since 2003 making them longer tenured than many of the other characters on this list. UMASS Fratboys (1862) Three guys at the Horrible Revelation who get into Steve's encouragment of Marten by chanting, "BROS! BROS! BROS!" repeatedly. One of them had a UMASS hat and pink popped collar; another with hat on backwards and a sweatshirt; the third with brown hair (and dressed more or less normally). They appeared very suddenly at the Smif Library when Marten tried to "console" Tai. Vance, Veronica (431) Marten's mom. "Veronica Vance" is her stage name as a queen of bondage and fetish erotica for a decade and a half. She apparently had a huge impact on the Bianchi clan (except for Sven, for some reason); Dora compared her to a nouveau Bettie Page. Joked briefly about the possibility that Dora could be Marten's sister, since she couldn't remember some times before she met Marty's father. She did remember being hit on by Steven Tyler ("the lead singer of Aerosmith grouper with a bad haircut and a coke habit"). Intimidated the crap out of Faye with a

Hieronymus Bosch threat. Somewhat inept in the ways of parenting, as she wasn't quite sure how to deal with Marty's breakup with Dora. She did offer to kill her for him: "I wouldn't mind spending my twilight years in prison if it would make you feel better." Instead, she just brought out the baby pictures (and the really embarrassing one with Marten and the "My Mommy Spanks People" t-shirt). Vegan, Outraged (15) Lady who didn't care for the Irony Caf's fare, but was more freaked out by the lobster she was served (that was still alive and claws were unclamped). Vespabot (745) Transformer-like robot that Vespa Avenger chick uses to avenge philandering males. Taken out by Pintsize and friends in the nick of time. Vicky (252) Marten's ex-girlfriend; she was the reason Marten moved across the country to Massachusetts, but she dumped him soon afterwards. Faye took care of her by tossing a full pitcher of milk into her lap. (Twice.) Vivanca (337) Just another one of Sven's blonde bimbo conquests. Vladek (1843) Okay, he's not actually seen in the comic, but his new coffee shop (Vladek's Beverage Emporium: "You want coffee? Maybe I get you coffee. Maybe I get you PUNCH IN THE FACE.") is a bit... "alarming" to Marten and Hanners. Waitresses (355) Every once in a while, when Faye, Marten, Dora or other characters are doing something outrageous at a restaurant in the area, the Waitress makes a smart-aleck comment about their discussion. The first was about "assault and battery sprinkles" as the waitress at Gepetto Caf heard Faye's "Peaches are Not Ripe" explanation. Another serves Dora and Marten in 561, three comics before "the kiss"; still another one did so as Marten was "basking in the moment" 45 comics later. Wheaton, Wil (1246) Some guy, checking his Twitter feed on the streets of Northampton as Tai was dragging Marten to the piercing shop. Showed up in the background during the Speed Beer arc as well. Looks like an older version of that annoying teenager in Star Trek: The Next Generation. Whitaker, Amanda (164) Faye's little sister; lesbian whose exgirlfriend was character on Diesel Sweeties (Lil' Sister). Has a blonde streak in her hair, after Rogue from X-Men. She was last seen in Savannah with mom. Whitaker, David (502) Faye's late father. Alluded to in previous comics, especially the Kentucky Bourbon Milkshake comic (154). Central figure of "The Talk" storyline; Faye watched him shoot himself in their backyard when she was a teenager. Whitaker, Faye (4) Sass-talking hipster friend of Marten who first appeared in the background of comic 3. She likes to joke about poop (17), and throws a better punch than most other guys (13). Initially, she was a bit on the klutzy side (see 22 and 207), but has apparently adjusted over the years. She also did not use contractions for quite a while, as she felt no one would take her seriously if she used them. Part of this was her natural Southern accent, since she is from Savannah, Georgia. However, get a few drinks in her and she'll start usin' the apostrophe like crazy. As you can guess from the previous entry about her dad, she has had a rather messedup life. The scar on her chest is from a self-induced car accident that happened after her dad's demise she had a nervous breakdown as she was driving, and ended up upside down in an oak tree. (The EMT's wondered how in the world she managed to survive; she just noticed that one of them had a cute butt.) She has a thing for pancakes, coffee and muffins; as much as she can't cook, she is pretty good at cutting hair. Came up with the Theory of Hipster Relativity, which says that the popularity of a band is

inverse to the quality of their music thus, the greatest band in the world does not exist. She was an art major in college, with an emphasis in sculpture (though she never completed school due to her post- breakdown issues). Her latest works were the T-rexpresso machine (which, thankfully, she didn't build full-scale) and the Espressosaur (which has issues remaining in the QCverse's time-space continuum). Has a typical indie-girl fashion sense (Russian hat, lemon yellow dress, horn-rim glasses, dancing alligator underpants, wifebeater tanktops). Had some drinking issues in the past: using boys for support after drinking too much Midnight Hobo, passing out into Marten's lap and then puking all over his pants, sleeping with Sven (okay, that last one was apparently done sober, scarily enough). Was doing fine until Angus sprung the "l-word" on her, resulting in her ordering a "coping mechanism" at the Horrible Revelation. Guilty pleasure: listening to Africa by Toto. Has an issue with saying the word "boafregh". No, wait, "boyfremb"... er, uhm, "borthrelm". No, no... "boyfling ###### I'M SORRY" Whitaker, Mrs. (503) Faye's Mom. Doesn't actually have any speaking lines until comic 585. Was alluded to prior to "The Talk" storyline (the code words, "The peaches are NOT ripe" as a code that Faye is not being held against her will). Wanted to change the headstone of her husband to read "He was a God-damned Jackass who didn't deserve the wonderful family he had" but the cemetery people felt it was too disrespectful. Apparently takes anti-anxiety pills, something that Faye didn't know until Amanda told her. Whitford (1311) One of Will's "friends" that he meets on his journey across America; looks something like an Elvis impersonator who uses a knife as a toothpick. Will (1128) Sven's poet friend. Went to Williston Academy, which would indicate he's from the NoHo area. Fell hard for Penelope, but nearly blew it by letting some of his "erotic poetry" slip as he was trying to woo her. Apparently helped Sven with a lady named Eleanor; the exact details of the situation aren't certain, but it was a big enough debt that Will called him on it to help with Penelope. Went on a Jack Kerouac-like vision quest around the country before returning to Northampton. Now works at the Horrible Revelation as a server. Winslow (527) Hannelore's Mac-based AnthroPC. He looks a lot like a 1st-gen iPod with little arms and legs. More of an innocent comic foil for Pintsize, but has his moments. Yelling Bird (1038) "Filler comic" bird with a very, VERY filthy mouth; originally appeared in Jeph's other (now defunct) comic, "IndieTits", on April 17, 2005. Drops the "F-bomb" like some people drop names. Has his own Twitter account, too leading you to wonder if Jeph has schizophrenia. Something happened to him on June 14, 1987 what, we don't know. YMCA clerks (997) Staff at the gym where Penelope works out (the local YMCA in Northampton, it is assumed); the classic line as Penelope is chasing Faye out of the gym: "Don't get involved in domestic disputes." (1050)